Vote for me

Mike Morris | managing editor
mmorris2@smcvt.edu

As you may know, school elections are coming up. I’ve always been a campus politics buff, and have found myself involved in campaigns many times before to varying degrees and with varying results. Unfortunately, the powers that be wouldn’t let me run this year (I’m graduating) so I have resorted to stage a write-in candidacy. You can choose me for whatever position you feel like, as I’m qualified for them all, though I’m itching for freshman class president. Since I'm asking you to vote for me, I thought I’d run through my platform and experience. If there’s anything you’d like to add to this, or things you may be less than pleased with reading, too bad, because it’s my platform.

Experience:

I’ve been a student here for four years, so I really know the campus and the people on it. Some might say this is a handicap, as I am supposed to be leaving this May, but I think this is really only obstructionism from the opposition.

I’ve run some clubs, like the Political Science club. Some may like to point out that the Political Science club no longer exists and folded under my leadership. I say, while this may be technically true, you can only run the club you have, not the club you want, and sometimes dissolution is a wiser choice than blindly continuing.

I’ve been to Student Association meetings before. I couldn’t tell you what happened at these meetings, as I was asleep for them, but I was there. I think I might have voted on something once, though, by accident. Stretching after a nap, maybe.

Platform:

What’s the deal with always having to go to the bathroom like 10 minutes after leaving Alliot? I know this happens to everyone, so I propose we install new bathrooms in the middle of the chapel green, so we’re never too far from relief. Also, maybe I’ll try to make Alliot food not as laxative.

Tuition has risen incredibly in recent years, and I’d like to see this stop. I would do my best to ask the president of the college and the Board of Trustees very nicely to not vote for further tuition increases. If that failed, I would open a factory on campus and offer employment to all students to help pay their bills. This factory would also address my next issue:

Some people say there just isn’t that much to do on campus. Once I build a factory (I’m not sure what this factory will make, but that is of lesser importance), there will always be an extra shift or two to pick up. Bored on a Wednesday night? Not any more! Plus you can make some money to spend at my next idea:

A factory bar! I’ll serve all employees, regardless of age. If you’re old enough to work hard you’re old enough to drink, I always say.

Some people might say “Mike, you can’t do that. It’s against the law.” And they’re right. Without the voters, WE can’t do that. With them, we can do anything.

So there you have it. What I plan to do and how I know I’ll be able to do it. If you like my ideas, or want to stick it to the man, write my name in for any position you feel like in the student elections. Or if you want, write my name in for all the positions — I’m a great multitasker.

Thank you for considering me. I look forward to leading some or all of you in some manner or another in the future. Or not.