Captain Desperate - Mike Morris

Clearly, I'm the one with the filmmaking talent here. See that slow zoom on Captain Desperate's face when he's laying on the couch? Totally emotive. Pure genius!

My movie could only be better if I had starred in it myself. The only thing that Jon's movie could possibly have that mine doesn't is my vocal talent.

Plus, Jon smells like moldy cheese.

The Call of the Runner - Jon Taylor

So, my movie is better than Mike's for the sole reason that mine involves implied nudity, a form of censorship only bested by actual nudity.

Granted, the aforementioned implied nudity is of Mike himself, and frankly, he's so white that I didn't need to use the flash on the camera.

Take that, pale boy.