September 26, 2007

Undecided?
A guide to picking the major that's right for you

Bill O'Connor | managing editor
woconnor@smcvt.edu

Greetings class of 2011. Now that you’ve embarked on your undergraduate journey, the time has come for you to make what will prove to be the most important decision of your entire life: picking a major.

Some of you may have already decided what you want to spend the rest of your life doing (since 100 percent of college graduates end up working their entire professional careers in the fields they majored in). This guide, however, was put together for those of you who remain undecided about a course of study; a way to decipher what each major is truly all about and which one may be right be for you.

Finding a match is simple, just read the descriptions below and find which major matches your personal set of skills and traits, and also sounds like an appealing way to spend your four years here at St. Michael’s - and the rest of your life.

Journalism:

If you pine for long nights glaring at computer screens, hours spent cursing Web-design software and professors who believe that the grading scale only goes as high as B+, then journalism is the major for you.
 
To be a successful journalism major you must possess a basic (and I mean BASIC) understanding of grammatical concepts and hold the delusional belief that your opinion somehow matters more than everyone else’s. You need to be a bit of a self-centered drama queen who demands the spotlight.

If you believe that you have what it takes to succeed in journalism, and wouldn’t mind being locked in Bergeron (the tiny building next to the tennis courts that everyone pees on on Saturday nights) for the entirety of your junior and senior years, then visit Bergeron and get yourself signed up.

Business:

Not sure exactly what you want to do with your life? Don’t want to do much in the way of “hard work.” Had a high school G.P.A. of 1.7? Then the St. Michael’s business department may be right up your alley.

Business majors here at St. Michael’s enjoy a myriad of pleasurable experiences, including the 12.2 million group projects (like designing paper airplanes and selling Beirut T-shirts) they will have completed upon graduation. Not only are these group projects loads of fun, but they also provide the perfect excuse for turning down that date with the Swamp Thing look-alike. “I’d love to Thing, but I have to meet with my (fill-in-the-business-term) group to work on a project that night.” If you’re prepared to spend 15 minutes on days before tests writing finance formulas on the bottom of your shoe, then hustle over to Jeanmarie Hall and put your name down for business.

English:

You can read. You can write (kind of). You think you may want to take at least six poetry writing courses while you’re here. Well then my friend, English is the major you want.

Don’t bother worrying about what career choices will be available to you (failed novelist/high school English teacher), just revel in the fact that you have eight semesters of glorified book reports ahead of you.

Biology/Physics/Chemistry/Biochemistry:

You already know that you’re pretty darn smart. You feel like you could get used to thinking that every other major but your own is “easy” and only taken by “morons.” Well then it may be time for you to join St. Michael’s “Biggest Little Department,” the science department.

Science majors have an entire three-story building to themselves, and a combined 18 professors available to them, despite the fact that biology students (the group’s most popular major) only make up six percent of the student population. So if you’re prepared to do some hard work in labs, and be able to look down your nose on the rest of the student population, head on over to Cheray and start admiring the fish tanks.  

Philosophy:

Some people are in love with facts. They use them in arguments regularly and base their opinions and beliefs on them. Other people can ramble for hours on nothing but pure B.S. If you’re one of the latter, then philosophy might be for you.

Never mind the fact (of course you wouldn’t since you’re a philosophy major) that your future job options are limited to: a) philosophy professor or b) homeless man, you have a great thing going here. You won’t have to be logical or factual your entire college career. Run with it.

Secondary Education:

Nostalgic for the days of colored pencils and posterboard? Intrigued by the prospect of having summers off for the rest of your earthly existence? Take a peek at the St. Michael's education department.

The only skill this major truly requires is the ability to answer this question 157 times a semester in essay form for the next four years: "How did that make you feel?"

In closing, remember that these are just a few of the many wonderful majors available to you here at St. Michael’s College. It’s important that you explore all of your equally disdainful options before settling on the one that will consume your being and eventually become your life’s work.

No matter which you chose, know that you will be ridiculed and looked down upon by your fellow students in other majors, and that’s ok. Just remember, no matter how many times they tell you that religious studies isn’t a real major, just fire back and let them know…

“Your major sucks.”