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September 19, 2007
Trailing the movie scene
Rating the newest trailers
Jon Taylor l managing editor
jtaylor@smcvt.edu
The Heartbreak Kid (10/5/07) –
Dear Ben Stiller,
Let me say that I’ve always kind of liked you – as a friend.
You seem like a jovial guy with wonderful intentions, but what the hell happened to you making funny movies? The glory days of There’s Something About Mary and Meet the Parents have been replaced by the end of your days, otherwise known as Dodgeball, Meet the Fockers and other insidiously awful crap (a.k.a. Zoolander).
Now you hit movie audiences across America with another sub-par attempt at comedy, The Heartbreak Kid. Not only is the premise behind this movie horribly banal and clichéd (a guy’s wife turns out to be a nightmare after the wedding – really?) – it’s a remake of a Neil Simon flick which can only be better than your half-hearted attempt. I’ll admit it Ben, it was definitely a good move teaming up with the Farrelly brothers (There’s Something About Mary and Me, Myself and Irene) again, but this stuff doesn’t work for anyone.
Here’s some advice kiddo: stop making movies written by five people. You should know better; if it took five people to get it right, then it’s bad material to start with. I understand that it’s tough these days in Hollywood, but I’m starting to lose my patience for lackluster nonsense.
Ben, consider this your intervention. I care about you, but don’t get any ideas.
We’re just friends.
-Jon
P.S. If you ever make anything as bad as Zoolander again, I’ll put a flaming bag of doggy-doodoo on your doorstep so you understand how I felt after watching it.
GPA – 2.6
Saw IV (10/26/07) – Although I think that everyone should know that the fourth installment of the insipid Saw series is a definite miss, the lemming masses may need a reminder. This edition picks up where Saw III left off, with the villain – Jigsaw – and his protégé dead. In the wake of their deaths, a massive investigation is launched to Jigsaw’s life of trap-setting, murder, and his common thread – teaching people right from wrong. Please believe me when I say that Saw IV will be just as bad as the other three and if you don’t stay away, Jigsaw may need to teach you good from bad.
GPA – 0.5
Dan in Real Life (10/26/07) – OK. I don’t know why I always have to say the unpopular thing first, but, I’m tired of Steve Carell’s shtick. The whole loud-soft dynamic of his comedy and slapstick-y semi-doofus routine is wearing quite thin. Of course, as I say that, he goes and tries to become a REAL actor with Dan in Real Life. In the film, Carell plays widower Dan Burns, a newspaper advice columnist in the vein of Ann Landers. As his life begins to crumble all around him, Dan meets a lady, spends more time with his family, and over all, finds himself working through a difficult mid-life crisis. Although Carell has proven to be quite irksome in the past, it might be nice to see him act his way out of a paper bag in this one, even if the plot is ridiculously strained.
GPA – 3.0
Southland Tales (11/9/07) – From Richard Kelly, auteur of the mind-bending cult phenom Donnie Darko, comes this rather depressing entry into the strange “pre-apocalyptic” film genre, which focuses on the destruction of life as we know it. Where Donnie Darko considered the end of the world, Southland Tales considers…wait a second – the same damn thing! Oh Richard Kelly, you’re not pulling a fast one over on me, you unoriginal writer/director you! Southland Tales tells an entirely different story than Donnie Darko does, but the same thread of “We’re all doomed and there is nothing we can do” is exactly the same. It seems like Kelly has lost the touch he so deftly displayed in writing Donnie Darko – the only interesting/original thing in this trailer is the you-have-to-see-it-to-believe-it casting (Dwayne “The Rock" Johnson, Mandy Moore, Justin Timberlake, and a few more that will make you say ‘huh?’) Otherwise, approach with extreme caution.
GPA – 2.5
Last week's Trailing the Movie Scene
Feast of Love (9/28/07) – Oh man. A modern-day re-imagining of A Midsummer Night’s Dream starring Greg Kinnear and Morgan Freeman? It simply doesn’t get better than this. Judging from the trailer, director Robert Benton (Kramer vs. Kramer) has done a number on Charles Baxter’s original and inventive book, culling the sexiest and most scintillating elements out for Kinnear, Freeman, and other assorted actors to sink their teeth into. Although it’s no secret that Feast of Love is nothing more than an above average romantic dramedy, it shouldn’t be too hard to get men into the theater with Radha Mitchell and Selma Blair tempting audiences with their stunning good looks. Listen up guys: go see Feast of Love with your significant other and she might just go arm-in-arm with you to the next Quentin Tarantino movie.
GPA: 3.6
Grace is Gone (10/5/07 - limited) – John Cusack is a seriously underrated dramatic actor. Really. His turns in Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil and Identity were atypical roles for the king of angst-y romantic comedies and he nailed them all. Cusack takes another stab at drama in Grace is Gone, in which he portrays a father struggling to connect with his daughters after his wife gets killed in the Iraq War. With all of the films currently damning the war (In the Valley of Elah), Grace is Gone doesn’t seem to pass judgment, allowing the characters’ actions and words to determine the film’s message. If all goes well, Cusack could potentially garner an Oscar nod for what looks to be one of the strongest and most moving performances in years.
GPA: 3.8
Sleuth (10/12/07) – What happens when the wonderful actor/director Kenneth Branagh and legendary thespian Michael Caine team up to make a thriller? They ruin it – by hiring Jude Law to star opposite. It’s not all bad though – when the material is this tight, you have to really try to bring a movie down. Caine plays a bored multi-millionaire who hires Law to break into his mansion and steal a ridiculously expensive piece of jewelry. The twist? Caine gets to fight back once Law gets in. This fiery premise makes for some nice exchanges between the two in the trailer, showcasing Branagh’s extraordinary talent for bringing the best out of actors, even when (in Law’s case) they consistently disappoint. Let’s hope that Sleuth doesn’t leave the audience stranded among ridiculous plot points – keep it simple with one or two huge twists and we’ll be happy, Kenneth. I promise.
GPA: 3.0
Beowulf (11/16/07) – When is Robert Zemeckis going to learn that realistically animating live-action film does not and will not succeed in theaters? It didn’t work in Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within and it didn’t work in Zemeckis’ own The Polar Express, so why has anyone given him money to do it again? Even more disconcerting is the squandering of a cast boasting big-name actors (Anthony Hopkins and Angelina Jolie) using ridiculous CGI animation and pretentiously boring material like Beowulf, a story that no one has actually read outside of a Cliff Notes guide. Based on this overblown trailer, Beowulf is the frontrunner for biggest money-wasting ($70 million plus) flop of 2007 since the flaccid Evan Almighty ($250 million plus).
GPA: 1.0
Drillbit Taylor (3/21/08) – Let’s take bets: how long will it take for the Frat Pack (i.e. Will Ferrell, Luke Wilson, Ben Stiller, etc.) to stop making movies wherein they portray pseudo-masculine characters with no cohesive dialogue? This one has Luke’s publicly troubled (and much funnier) brother Owen playing a man named Drillbit (huh?) who is hired by three kids who need protection from schoolyard bullies. Things get silly when Drillbit finds himself pretending to be a teacher and blah blah blah. We all know that Frat Packers don’t need an original or engrossing story to make a mediocre comedy. Even though it’s written by comedy god Seth Rogen (Superbad) and 80s auteur John Hughes (The Breakfast Club), Drillbit Taylor is shaping up to be a lame retread of the same ole lukewarm material.
GPA: 2.5
Iron Man (5/2/08) – Robert Downey, Jr. is a stellar actor with an impressive resume of strong character work (Zodiac) and tight dramatic chops (Two Girls and a Guy and Wonder Boys), so why does he feel the need to enter the world of the now-overexposed comic book genre? The trailer for the much-anticipated Iron Man is equal parts CGI flash and Downey sass, but it seems as if Iron Man and alter ego Tony Stark are cut-rate versions of Batman and Bruce Wayne, who are ultimately more charismatic and winning in cinematic form. Director Jon Favreau (Zathura and Elf) does show off some fancy movie trickery, but he’ll need a lot of help to make Iron Man more than just another lifeless comic book adaptation.
GPA: 2.7
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