October 3, 2007

Chivalry is dead
Modern manners, or the lack thereof

Bill O'Connor | managing editor
woconnor@smcvt.edu

The other day as I was walking out of St. Ed’s I had a revelation, sort of.

In front of me was a male student wearing a navy blue sweatshirt and a white Red Sox cap, and behind him was a female student who happened to be carrying an armful of books and notebooks.

Both students walked through St. Ed’s glass doors and onto St. Michael’s campus with no problems. Now, on another day I may not have even noticed, but my mood was such at the time that I picked up on this: he didn’t hold the door open for her.

This may seem like an insignificant fact, and there are plenty of women who will tell you they don’t need to have a door held for them. Some might even argue that the act of a man holding a door open for a woman stems from sexist assumptions implying that women need to be treated gently and taken care of, but that is all beside the point.

When did we become so collectively rude that we can no longer take the extra two seconds to hold a door open for someone carrying a load of books behind us, male or female? When did chivalry and manners finally kick the bucket?

It seems like everywhere you go nowadays everyone is in such a rush that they just don’t bother to take the time to stop and worry about common courtesy. People are too caught up in their own little worlds of Blackberrys, Bluetooth headsets and iPods to take notice of anyone else around them.

I remember just four short years ago, my freshman year here at St. Michael’s, when people you didn’t know would say “Hi,” or throw a nod while walking around on campus. People held doors, even if it meant standing an extra seven seconds in the cold outside of Ryan Hall. Now it seems like everyone is too wrapped up in text messaging and their own self-importance to acknowledge their fellow students.

And it’s not just holding the door that has gone extinct.

No matter where I happen to be lately, rock concert or church gathering, I hear more and more vulgar language being spouted from mouths of old and young alike. I, myself, am guilty of this vice and my intent is not to point fingers, but when did it become socially acceptable to use curses such as the F-word regularly in public settings?

We wonder why third-graders have such dirty mouths today, and we’re quick to blame movies, television, video games and hip-hop. Maybe we should look in the mirror to place the blame, especially when I can walk down Burlington's Church Street and hear any profane language my heart desires as long as I hang out by one of the numerous sidewalk cafés long enough.

Even the smallest of acts, such as pushing in a chair after using it, have become such an inconvenience in our techno-bombarded, lightning-paced society that we can’t be bothered to even contemplate doing them. We talk on our iPhones and Sidekicks with our mouths full of falafel as we refuse to even acknowledge the people passing by.

Common courtesy has gone the way of the horse-drawn carriage, and for no good reason.

How much better would your day have been it that jerk out in front of Alliot hadn’t let the door slam right in your face, scattering your In Memory of Pluto concert flyers all over the place? Or what about that inconsiderate moron who smashed into your shoulder as you were walking to the library who just went on listening to his iPod, without even making an attempt to turn around and apologize?

Situations like that, where a little common courtesy would avert the whole situation, are the types of things that can catapult you into one of those “the-world’s-against-me” moods and ruin your day.

So next time you're about to express your distaste for A-rod and Jeter while sitting at Sweetwater's, have some respect for those around you and chose your words wisely. Next time you bowl someone over rushing to the next event of your busy day, at least turn around and shout back an apology.