October 24, 2007

It's Jersey: Got a problem with that?
In defense of New Jersey

Mark Gould | managing editor
mgould@smcvt.edu

It’s been called the armpit of America.  I’ve been told if the United States ever needed an enema, New Jersey would be a good place to start.  But those who have never set foot in the Garden State are usually author to these warrant-less taunts.

When Gov. Richard Codey decided the state needed a new tourism slogan, he asked residents to submit ideas. Jeffrey Antman of Passaic writes slogans for New Jersey Transit, and submitted the simple but effective gem, “New Jersey: Come See for Yourself,” which edged out “We had a gay governor, so what?” and “It’s Jersey: Got a problem with that?”  The truth is, there’s a lot you might not know about us.

The Boss

If New Jersey wanted to redo its flag, Bruce Springsteen would make a nice centerpiece. This all-American hero has never forgotten his roots.  Born and raised in Jersey, Bruce laments about the good, the bad, and the ugly of our beloved state.  People were quick to label “My City of Ruins” as the best 9/11 pick-me-up song.  But when Bruce belts out “Come on rise up, come on rise up,” he is actually referring to the crumbling world of Asbury Park, NJ.

Bruce’s legendary status overshadows the unfortunate fact that many other "musicians" who rhyme about New York actually live in the cozy areas of New Jersey.

Ja Rule, Fat Joe, and Puff Daddy aren’t the only ones who want you to think they’re from New York when their mail is delivered to a New Jersey address.

Giant lies

Did you know that the New York Giants and Jets both play in East Rutherford, N.J.?  Whose job is it at ESPN to get the b-roll for Giants or Jets games? Every time it’s shots of Times Square or the Empire State building that bridge commercials to the gridiron. Sure, New York City is only six miles away from the stadium, but state lines are not flexible.

What about the fact that much of "The Sopranos" was filmed in New Jersey?  That’s right, America’s favorite family of gangsters do their dirty work all over the Garden State.  Don’t believe me?  Check out the tour of spots from the movie.

Full tank

The other popular though unofficial Jersey slogan that has made its way to Facebook groups and T-shirts is “We don’t pump our gas, we pump our fists.”  Since 1949, it has been illegal for “non professionals” to fill er’ up themselves.

Believe me, when it’s winter and your snot is freezing, and you know licking that pole a la "A Christmas Story" would be a bad idea, it’s nice to have someone do your dirty work at the pump while you turn up the windows, heat, and tunes.  And with all the refineries nearby, the gas is usually cheaper than most states.

Fully tanked

New Jersey has strict laws against fireworks, but to make up for this, liquor stores sell Everclear. A bottle of this grain alcohol will only set you back $15, and if you’re looking to breathe fire, 190-proof alcohol might be your ticket.  If you ever forget for a minute that alcohol is actually a poison, take a sip of this and your esophagus will be tattooed with a reminder.

Diners

Every state has diners, but not every state has diners with reasonable hours.  By reasonable, I mean open more than 20 hours every day so you can enjoy a late night feast after last call at the bars.  By reasonable, I also mean that New Jersey diners won’t stop serving breakfast at any time of the day.

Coming to Vermont, I’ve experienced a barrage of insults when I proudly declare that I am from New Jersey.   If you’re like many New Englanders who are quick to judge my state, I ask you to take a trip south and see for yourself.  Until then, my default response will be “It’s Jersey: Got a problem with that?”