November 14, 2007

How to ruin Christmas
Fred Claus is ho-ho-horrible

Jon Taylor l managing editor

Excuse my use of a Christmas pun so early into a review, but I couldn’t resist.  This one is just terrible enough to deserve it.

Every year more and more Christmas-themed movies are released, proving themselves irresistible to studio execs looking to rake in the family holiday dough.  Regrettably, Christmas films have become worse and worse over the years, with the only notable exceptions being Will Ferrell’s 2003 smash Elf and possibly writer/director Richard Curtis’ syrupy rom-com epic Love Actually.  But, since there’s very little filter on what studios will release to make Christmas bucks, I present to you, Fred Claus.

Starring Vince Vaughn, Paul Giamatti and Rachel Weisz – all of whom should know better - Fred Claus tells the story of Santa’s (Giamatti) older brother Fred (Vaughn) and his jealously of his little brother St. Nick.  Through a series of events that will most likely strike you as ridiculous, Fred must visit his kid brother at the North Pole to secure the $50,000 he needs to open an off-track gambling site.  As fate would have it, upon Fred’s visit, “efficiency expert” Clyde Northcut (played by the always excruciating Kevin Spacey) is sent to the workshop to inspect and possibly shut down Santa’s operation.  Amidst this wreckage of a plot is a slight love story between Fred and Wanda (Weisz), his estranged beau.

Oh, dear me.  It can’t get much more disastrous than this.  No Santa this year!  Where’s Tim Allen when you need him?!

This contrived idea of a storyline is just the kind of muck that fine actors like Giamatti and Weisz seem to get stuck in on a regular basis, mostly for the ruse that is a paycheck.  This, however, does not apply to Vaughn, who has already used up his Wedding Crashers and Old School glory on 2006’s worst hack-job The Break-Up.  Vaughn’s fast-talking, quick comeback shtick has become stale and tiresome, particularly within the auspices of a children’s movie.  Come on Vince, little kids aren’t going to pick up on that Patty Hearst punch line you just threw down and let’s face it, it wasn’t funny enough for the adults to laugh at.  That’s a one-two punch right there, pal.

I really don’t think I can forgive Giamatti and Weisz for signing up for Fred Claus in the first place.  To his credit, Giamatti is quite serviceable as Santa, but succumbing to this kind of script was not a particularly lucid move.  Between this, Lady in the Water, Shoot ‘Em Up and The Nanny Diaries, Giamatti is close to losing all of the cred he gained in the brilliant Sideways.  The same goes for Weisz, who flounders in the clichés of Fred Claus as the love interest of ne’er do well Fred.  I wonder if he’ll shape up for Wanda’s love?

Spoiler alert!  He does!

One good thing does come out of this celluloid debacle – it finally proves that Kevin Spacey’s career is on its last leg!  Over the years, this “actor” has been hamming it up in dozens of films, turning out a few good performances (Se7en, American Beauty, The Usual Suspects) for every pile of trash (Pay It Forward, Beyond the Sea, K-PAX, The Life of David Gale, The Shipping News, Edison, etc. etc.).

Fred Claus makes me long for holiday classics like The Santa Clause and the time-capsule worthy A Christmas Story.  Watching Fred deliver presents to the children of the world made me want to leave the theater in a huff, screaming, “Enough of this fudgin’ crap!”

Except, like Ralphie, I wouldn’t say fudge.

GPA: 1.0