December 5, 2007

A last chance
Screw goodbyes, Bill has some things he needs to say

Bill O'Connor l managing editor

I spent a large portion of this past week trying to think of what I could possibly write about for my final Echo column.

I thought about writing a long and elaborate farewell, but couldn’t come up with the right words to pen. I thought about writing about how I couldn’t come up with a decent goodbye to post on the site, but realized that method is overdone and cliché.

Finally, it hit me. Why would I waste my last opportunity to broadcast my own opinion, biased and unfiltered, to whomever is willing to listen on a farewell or goodbye note of some sort? Hell, I’ve got a few things I want to get off my chest.

So without further ado, my last rant for the Echo:

**Disclaimer** I am a better person than you. Therefore all of the following phrases and anecdotes are not simply opinions, but should be taken as facts; the definitive and final word to be held as truth. **

First things first, the 1986 Boston Celtics are the greatest basketball team that has ever graced the hardwood. You can take your ’96 Bulls and shove it.

When you find a clip of Michael Jordan making a layup without taking five steps towards the basket beforehand, you give me a call and I’ll revise my argument.

The ’85-’86 Celts went 67-15 and scored a ludicrous 9,359 points. Admittedly, the ’95-’96 Bulls were an amazing team that went 72-10 and scored 8,625 points, but the difference is the level of competition the two teams played against.

The ’86 Green Machine had to square off against legendary NBA teams like Dr. J’s Sixers with Moses Malone and Sir Charles; Dominique’s Hawks featuring Randy Wittman and Spud Webb; Isiah Thomas and Bill Laimbeer’s offensively explosive Pistons; a Bulls squad featuring George Gervin and a young Michael Jordan; Hakeem the Dream’s Rockets and, of course, a Lakers team featuring Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, James Worthy, Byron Scott and Magic Johnson.

On the other hand, the only three notable teams in the league that the ’96 Bulls were competing in were Shaq and Penny’s Magic, Reggie’s Pacers and Payton and Kemp’s Sonics. The rest of the league in 1996 was average at best.

I rest my case.

Secondly, the best Christmas song ever recorded is Bruce Springsteen’s live version of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” recorded on Dec. 12, 1975 at C.W. Post College in Greenvale, N.Y.

Try to argue with me.

The Boss is an American hero, a voice for the beaten-down and trodden-upon middle class, and if you don’t feel a rush of both Christmas spirit and patriotism as Clarence Clemons belts out his sax solo, then you’re probably a godless communist.

While we’re on the topic, John Cougar Mellencamp might be the worst American rock artist in history. He’s like a mutant cross between Bruce Springsteen and Tom Petty, except that he can’t write a single line that isn’t oozing with both corny and overplayed middle-class American imagery and insincerity (which is quite a unique ‘talent’ he can claim all his own).

 If you’re reading this John Cougar, drop me a line when you figure out if you’re a rock, country or southern rock artist, because your mish-mash of the three sounds like crap.

If I have to endure just one more of those Chevy “This is ourrrrrr country” ads, I’m personally mailing a letter-bomb to both Chevy’s corporate offices and Mr. Mellancamp’s home address.

Thirdly, the BCS (Bowl Championship Series) that currently governs college football’s postseason is inherently flawed and needs to be overhauled.

It’s completely ridiculous that Missouri, the number one team in the nation just two weeks ago, got shut out of a BCS bid because of one loss.

It’s an outright crime that Hawaii, the only undefeated team in the nation, doesn’t have a chance to compete for the national championship and has been relegated to the Sugar Bowl against Georgia. There isn’t even a path that could lead Hawaii into a national title game; no playoffs, no tournament or seeding, nothing. Teams like Hawaii are at the complete mercy of the BCS voters and odds-makers.

Furthermore, Hawaii quarterback Colt Brennan isn’t going to win the Heisman Trophy, mostly due to the fact that Hawaii didn’t have what ‘experts’ have determined is a ‘strong enough’ schedule this season.

Brennan led one of the nations most potent air-attacks, passed for over 4,000 yards (a full 1,000 more than Tim Tebow of Florida) and threw 38 touchdowns and only 14 interceptions with a 71 percent completion percentage (NFL numbers? I think so), yet Colt is in the “on-the brink” category of Heisman candidates. Dumb.

Colt Brennan deserves the Heisman trophy, and when he is the best quarterback to come out of his draft class five seasons from now (with the possible exception of NFL-intangible guy Matt Ryan), you will remember this column dubbing Brennan the 2007 Heisman winner.

The BCS (Biased and Corrupted System) needs to be revamped so that teams like Hawaii (and last season’s Boise State Cinderella team) have a shot to make it to the national title game and aren’t the victims of a faceless selection committee.

Finally, I want to thank my readers and all of my fellow Echo staff members for the suggestions, help and support they have offered this semester and throughout my two and a half years writing for the Echo in different capacities.

The Echo is the best publication on the internet, and if you don’t agree with me, well then you’re just denying the facts.